Tag Archives: reality tv

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Chopped

Ah, another sleepy Tuesday night in this beautiful hamlet I call home, and that can only mean one thing: Chopped.  Nobody can accuse the show of being profound.  It is schmaltzy, it embraces many of the stupid conventions of reality television, and it continues The Food Network’s descent from a channel dedicated to you and me cooking, to a channel about you and me staring at food.  At the same time though, Chopped with machine-like precision, takes all of the core elements of everything that works in television – competition, schmaltz, watching food being prepared, a time limit that makes the contestants really nervous, trash talking confessionals, and makes into something which produces consistent entertainment.  Almost no network sitcom can brag about as reliable a product.  It is like watching a ballgame without the ballgame.

The concept behind Chopped, like many things that turn into good television, is ridiculously simple.  Starting with four chefs, they are given a basket of absurdly matched mystery ingredients (oranges, bacon, corn flakes and venison loin could be one), which they have to convert into an appetizer, entree, dessert in absurdly short amounts of time (20 minutes for the former, 30 for the rest).  And then, we watch them sweat, think, worry and cook.  Meanwhile there are judges who offer commentary of dubious value – and catty comments when the food is tasted.  (Geoffrey Zakarian is particularly snooty, and Alex something or other looks like a frog – literally)  Almost always the chefs use every second of time – so we get the suspense of “will he or she finish on time”, and the chance to either be nervous for the chef or happy that a douchy chef took a defeat.     The chefs, who are as Type-A as ever -it’s why Top Chef works so well – are invariably crushed when they lose – often having schmaltzy goals in the competition, which of course is also great television.  You don’t have to be smart to like the show – but you’d have to be dumb not to.

PS: What is interesting – as a postscript is that the channel has launched Sweet Genius, the same concept but with pastry chefs.  I think from this show and the Just Desserts one, that clearly the world of pastry cooking is inhabited by people with head injuries.l

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Hoarding: Buried Alive

I am a messy person.  I have always been a messy person.  Note – this is not mean that I am dirty, but clutter?  Laundry that does not make it to baskets?  Mail piling up?  Stuff like that?  Guilty as charged.  I know my parents shuddered at what would become of me as a grown-up (or more accurately, a kid without the legal justification of “hey, I’m a kid”) with my proclivities.  This is the sort of show where my parents can take some assurance – if they were not running in terror from the experience.  Considering that TLC is a channel that portrays wanton copulation, polygamy, and stage mothering, Hoarding: Buried Alive might be the most transfixing hour on television.  Starting with initially discovering the show on some sort of weekend marathon, I have been at intervals horrified, appalled, horrified, bemused, disbelieving, horrified, and hypnotized by the magnitude of the inability of these folks to throw … anything, and I mean ANYTHING, away.  I am not sure if transfixing is a compliment.  Surely there are a lot of “wrong reasons” working here.  Time obsessing over shows like this can rip me away from telling loved ones I love them, or perhaps becoming better at a legitimate life skill – but what can I do but honestly report the truth?

TLC’s show over the hour, follows two different hoarding cases in parallel.  When I mean hoarding as a real problem, I am not sure I can overstate it.  We are talking about cases where entire rooms are unusable – and not just rooms, but things like kitchens and bathrooms.  I have experience working around lacking a working dishwasher for instance, but a sink with a permanent clog (like one of the protagonists suffered) – how do you live?  Somehow, these people do … more than that, they often have families and love ones.

Of the marathon I got to see, all of the episodes were fascinating, but one in particular crystalized what the show could be.  In this episode – the focus was on Berkeley, California and the sort of couple that reality shows in general are made for.  The lady (the hoarder) was this apparent hippie (or not – but given the location I feel like generalizing) who is not a young lady anymore – and decidedly ornery.  The poor home was totally bursting with stuff.  The kitchen was full of stuff, and the living room seemed to be less a room than a giant walk in closet.  Hell, all of the rooms felt like walk in closets.  Her sitting areas seemed like carved out lanes to places.  Her boyfriend was miffed at the condition, though he seemed a bit henpecked on this sort of thing.  She was giving no quarter.  In her defense, she rhapsodized about surrounding herself with things that made her comfortable – such as her collections of BANANAS.  I have no idea if she was oven drying them or just collecting them as-is.  I am not sure what value a 1989 Chiquita winter original would fetch her.  The episode goes through the normal paces.  We learn of her conflict – she doesn’t think there is a problem.  Then she meets with a shrink and we get to some childhood wound or whatnot that has explained her sudden inability to throw anything away.  After that, a professional organizer comes in …

Really, I am not sure if I can recommend this without feeling icky.  But when you take the sheer magnitude of the mess, sprinkle in the psychodrama that is so crucial in reality television, and see how powerfully these people resist the possibility of junk leaving their homes … I can’t turn away.  If you feel a sudden compulsion to dust your entire home after watching, I can hardly blame you.

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Top Chef All Stars – Setting up the Final 3

Another day, another elimination.  The scene shift to the Bahamas has not really done anything for me (ok, one important thing – more on that), and ultimately the Final 3 are the right Final 3 – based on what has happened.

  1. Quickfire was smart this time and had some added value.  Precision and consistency are what make restaurants work – that what I order is what they wanted.  It was an interesting challenge, although the result was shaky.  Clearly Mike and Richard made a trickier dish – their dish was much harder than Antonia and Tiffany’s.  But yeah the latter looked yummy anyway.  I am not sure the quickfire judgment was correct – but who knows.  The random selection of plates was a nice touch.
  2. After being much hyped – we get the Padma in a bikini scene.  On the down-side, it was no more exposure than what we saw in the previews, but then … it’s Padma in a bikini for crissakes!!
  3. A desert island challenge was almost preordained here.  The fishing for the conchs made for terrific television.  There is always something mysterious about watching stuff shot underwater.  However, I am not sure swimming should have been a requirement of the chefs.  But it was a nice touch.
  4. Mike of the overrated Zaitinya, deservedly won.  He had the combination of flavors for the judges and challenge and thematic coherence.  Richard was brilliant of course, but I can see why Mike got the nod.  Of course if this sends Blais into a confidence death spiral, it will make good TV.  Antonia seems to be lacking a level of creativity and imagination to step up the game to contest winning level.
  5. Tiffany’s elimination made sense.  Everybody did well, and she might have been victimized by the weather.  However, the dishes are close enough and she was just a little less good than the others.
  6. Power rankings: Blais > Isabella > Antonia.  I want Antonia to win, and I really want Isabella to not win … but Blais is pretty clearly the cream here.
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Top Chef All Stars – Down to Four (SPOILER ALERT!!)

After the diabolical (but ultimately probably not that helpful food-wise) quickfire combined with the great elimination – this week we get sort of an exact reverse … a combination of one of the best quickfires in the season’s history with one of its least inspired eliminations.  The bullets …

  1. I am still not 100% sure about The Bahamas’ merit as a finale location.  Is it a sudden hot food locale, like Singapore or New Orleans was?  Was it just a blatant excuse to get Padma in a bikini – and let’s face it, is an excuse necessary for that?
  2. The quickfire was an all-timer.  A 40 minute iron-chef like challenge pitting each chef against his or her season’s winner.  Pretty clearly Carla had the easiest opponent with the lucky-to-win Hosea Rosenberg.  Her struggle in the basics (like the rice) was a harbinger.  Similarly Michael Isabella – who had boasted about the work he had done between NY and the islands – delivered a major shock by knocking of Michael Voltaggio.  You beat the best former winner that, and no worse than the second best Top Chef in general, that is a good sign.
  3. But alas, there was the elimination challenge.  First of all – the misdirection was odd.  Should one of the chefs have known that the Bahamas do not have a monarchy?  Probably – but stranger things are possible.  But where was the flair here?  It just seemed like a typical challenge – there was no real twist or “so-what” to the challenge.  The women all seemed tripped up – but the show did a poor job making me care.  Even the fire – obviously a serious wrinkle competitively – did not get projected with the requsitie oomph.
  4. Hard to have a problem with the elimination.  Tiffany skates by again – her dish was somewhat tasty albeit lacking in ambition.  I really was worried Antonia would go out – although she did a poor job.  Carla just made bad pork – and to whatever degree sensible, the judges held to their promise of judging on this week’s dish.  Carla did what Carla does – when it’s good, it can win it all, when it’s not, this happens.
  5. Blais’ self hatred – well LG and I discussed.  It’s not self hatred (well maybe a little) – but supreme self confidence.  Richard is convinced he should crush these people, and so he only sees negatives in his performance, because for him only negatives prevent him from winning this in a walk.  He could get paralyzed by this mental unhealthiness, but it drives him to be as good as he is.  That said, the big mover in my power rankings now is Mike Isadouche.  He has command over more technically than anybody besides Blais, and he has only had a couple of truly bad performances.  He looks very strong on the Island.
  6. Blais > Douche > Antonia > Tiffany … I still have the Antonia pom poms out, but this is an uphill climb.
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Top Chef All Stars – A Show About Nothing? (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

With a freshly minted – either the best episode of the season or … well, let me give another spoiler alert.  If you have in on your DVR, why are you reading this?   Top Chef in the can, let’s get right to it:

  1. The quickfire was total genius – and almost certainly the least appetizing quickfire of the season, maybe any season.  Having all processed food, and only microwaves and a rolling hotdog griller to cook on (you know what I mean, the thing that rotates the hotdogs and taquitos so seductively to drunken customers at 7-Eleven) – Tom Hanks had an easier culinary challenge in Cast Away.  Throw in the the indefinite duration and we had a real McGyver problem.
  2. Of all people, who’da thunk that Carla would have the MacGyver solution?  She just planned well and her dish seemed easily the best of the bunch.  Mike Isadouche’s soup was a heartfelt attempt but looked pretty disgusting.  Richard was angry about the loss – which inspired a snappy comment from LG.  Honestly chefs have such massive egos – of course they think they are brilliant.
  3. The Ellis Island challenge was cool.  You always get the weepies when the cheftestants get to see loved ones.  This was no exception – although Carla’s husband did not resemble what I had in my mind’s eye, while Tiffany’s mom absolutely did.
  4. Antonia’s dish looked brilliant.  The risotto and … well, I don’t do veal for moral reasons, although it clearly has the characteristics as a protein of the sorts of meats that I would LOVE.  It is a clear winner.  She has been strong the last month – and she has sort of moved to tops on my rooting list.
  5. The prize this challenge might have been the sickest product placement in television history.  Tiffany in particular in a confessional gave a virtual TV commercial testimonial.
  6. The elimination – well the judge’s decision was not a surprise.  Considering the quality the judges got to taste – and their raving comments – how can you tell someone they cannot advance to the finale set?  That said, eliminating nobody was a bit of a cop out.  These people are pros – shouldn’t Tom Collichio be able to identify someone slightly worse than the others?  But this is better television.

So, how to we rank order the chefs at this point – the same Furious Five?

  1. Richard – he can do things nobody else can do.  His creative brain creates ideas nobody can create.  He is not a slam dunk, but he has it all.
  2. Antonia – the big closer, has been rock solid since early in the season.  Has a lot of versatility, and is peaking.  Of course there is a time gap with the change in venues, so as long as her life did not fall to pieces in the interim, she should be a serious contender.
  3. Carla – deciding between Carla and Isadouche is a matter of ceiling vs consistency.  Carla has won three times this season, but she also has been on the chopping block a lot.  At this point, where you only need to be great twice, I’m betting ceiling.  After all, last season’s Top Chef won on the basis of a single great week.
  4. Mike Isabella – Isadouche has been pretty steady.  He has been in the bottom a couple of times, but most of the time has been solid.  Solid won’t get a win.
  5. Tiffany – she has been the clear borrowed time cheftestant all season.  That said, her performance was heartening.  But I cannot see her winning, while the other four all could.

 

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Top Chef All Stars – The Furious Five (SPOILERS!!!)

No point messing around here.  Another week, another stunning elimination.  The last two weeks, we did not just lose two possible winners.  We lost two guys who could say “I’m the best chef here” and not be wrong.  And now, the observations:

  1. This is one of the quickfires I would have given a limb to attend.  The best “deep fried” dish?  Come on.  Was amazing that Carla mucked it up – although she just gets off track so easily.  I felt for Antonia – just such a mistake.
  2. Mike Isabella winning the quickfire stealing Richard’s idea IS kind of bullshit.  On one hand, hey, it’s all fair – when originality is such a factor, not using your own concept is a big no-no to me.
  3. Paula Deen is of course an icon of Southern cliches.  So why is she the obvious lead for a Louisiana challenge?  I mean gulf coast is a different animal.  John Besh – I understand obviously.
  4. For the challenge itself, using a former contestant sous chef made was a fun contest.  It is amazing how many of the chefs and sous chefs did not fully click.  I mean after watching this show for 8 seasons, it’d be hard for me to let the sous chef do a lot without my input.  Granted I’d probably get a punch in the face – but still.
  5. Carla should have aced this – she knew it, but of course that means she put a lot of pressure on herself.  Her sous chef Tre was of little help, but ultimately it was on her.  In the same vein Tiffany gave Marcel, her sous chef, too much power (HE COOKED THE PROTEIN!!).  Honey shrimp sounds disgusting to me – that’s what she gets for following him in any way.
  6. Antonia and Richard were in the top once again.  Antonia’s crabcake in particular looked brilliant.  But Richard won – on skill and variety and “shock and awe”, he just has abilities nobody else has.  He can absolutely not win this – but he just has more outs than anybody else, in poker parlance.
  7. Really, what might help Richard the most was Dale’s shocking ouster.  It was a bad dish, but I felt bad for him.  This was a cuisine he was out of his depths in.  At this stage of the competition, you’d like to lose because you were good enough – not because the challenge was not in an area of strength.  His tears were hard not to empathize with – because he clearly could have won this thing.
  8. At this stage, your power rankings have to be Richard -> Antonia -> Carla -> Isadouche -> Tiffany, right?  The Carla choice is shaky given the last two weeks, but her best is better than Michael’s best – just a matter of whether she can coax it from herself.
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Worst Cooks In America – Season 2 Finale (SPOILER!!))

Fortunately, the second season of Worst Cooks in America was able to avoid the creepy psychodrama of last season’s finale.  As you might recall, last season Jenny Cross was one of the incompetent unwashed – and was so inspired that she wanted to become a chef, but her dream was shattered at the end.  It was almost unpleasant to watch as I wrote about oh so long ago.  Thankfully, the final battle betweem Joshi and Georg contained a far less baggage:

  1. Obviously these are two odd names for the contestants.  Indeed Joshi was a pretty annoying guy the entire way through – just that sort of “I’m on TV” preciousness that is a bit hard to watch.  That said, he seemed to the take mission of being a less shitty cook seriously.
  2. Georg was just a sweetheart.  Also, that she is a lesbian with a wife and kid – well, that in itself is not special, but it was nice to see the show not make any special case of it.  She has loved ones she wanted to improve herself for, and that was it.  That sort of matter of fact-ness is refreshing considering TV’s propensity to make homosexuality either scandalous, or some sort of awesome party trick.  It’s not much progress (hell, just one crappy reality show) but every bit counts.
  3. Any chance to see the dour Donatella Arpaia judging is always worthwhile.  I am not sure why the contestants had to be labeled client X and client Y.  Why do the judges need to be blind – I just don’t see a bias that needed to be protected.
  4. The menus both produced were terrific sounding.  That said, too much goat cheese can be cloying I suppose.  Georg’s mistake with the dessert though was so easy to see – I am not sure how chef big-arms could have missed it.  The deep fried bananas sounded delicious but you have to do those LAST.  The bananas sitting around was going to be a problem – and I’m not sure if Robert actually went over that.
  5. For once, with all the false alarms, red herrings and weird foreshadowing that shows like this and Top Chef do, amazingly the judging was not convoluted.  The contestant who the comments seemed to lead towards actually won.  Once again, that is kind of refreshing.

Overall, this was a good season.  While the chefs did not seem to learn quite as much on a whole – the lack of waterworks and pumped up melodrama was a welcome change.  (obviously there was some – it’s reality tv after all!)

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Top Chef All Stars – The Swinging Six (SPOILERS!!!)

First – a couple more food trucks have been added to the grand list:  you can access that here.  Now, to the important stuff.  Some random observations as we hurtle towards the finale:

  1. WOW!!!
  2. The Sesame Street characters were obviously a glorious touch.  Cookie Monster is, I think, right up there with John Blutarsky as the greatest hedonists of American culture – his tacit endorsement of irrational devotion is inspirational I think.  Kids should take note – though he could end up at Betty Ford someday.  On a serious note, the show never fully explains how the Muppets fairly “judged” this competition.  On the other hand, the chefs did not complain – so one has to surmise it was reasonable.
  3. Between the shot of Buitoni last week and Padma declaring how EVERYTHING you could ever want you’d find at Target – the product placement is at a new high/low.
  4. The elimination challenge itself was fascinating – the time frame, the chefs physical exhaustion – and it was interesting to see the chefs lean on soup for the most part.  Antonia’s dish looked the ballsiest to me – although she didn’t win.  Dale’s innovation with the iron is the sort of McGyver thing you expect from a college student.  It was a masterstroke.  He has been up and down lately, so this was a big week for him.
  5. This was a less good week for Carla who did not get the timing of the challenge down.  This was particularly disappointing – as her usual bad weeks are related to simply not being able to deliver.  This was more controllable.
  6. But, see #1.  And you know what?  Angelo’s ouster was right.  The judges held to their criteria.  I do think they care about the entire season of work, but only to break ties.  That is, I don’t think it is a conscious criteria, but if you are torn on two contestants, you’d lean on the one you thought was “better”.  Angelo’s dish was too salty – a mistake he should have known and tasted.  Baked potato soup has so many of “those” sorts of ingredients from cheddar to bacon that it can go off the rails so easily.  If the dish was as horrible as the judges experienced – they had no choice.  Yes, he was the 2nd most talented guy in the field (and judging by Mike I’s reaction, the chefs agreed) – but … wow.  Tiffany is very lucky.  She might be able to pull of the Kevin (one good week) from last season – but it’s going to be tough.
  7. The power rankings from most to least likely:  Richard, Dale, Mike, Carla, Antonia, Tiffany.
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The Worst Cooks In America Season 2

Well, after last night’s particularly surprising elimination – the second season of The Worst Cooks in America is heading towards its finale next week.  Considering how last season’s episode spawned the only true celebrity moment in this history of this blog when semifinalist Jen Vecchio actually commented, I would be remiss not to laundry list a few observations about this season.

  1. I was initially skeptical about the contestant search process.  How could they have gotten an appropriate army of incompetent cooks now that the cat is out of the bag?  To their credit – they did find a pretty horrendous group of contestants.
  2. Beau McMillan – the masshole who represented the blue team a year ago, was replaced with Chef Robert Irvine – he of the enormous arms, a sort of culinary Karl Malone.  I am not sure he is an improvement – indeed I am not sure of his qualifications – but he is better on TV.  As usual, the confessionals reduce he and Anne to speaking in stupid cliches – but I’ve learned to live with it.
  3. The contestant overall seem – and I might be wrong – to be learning less here.  I might be wrong.  In particular this lady Kat – who hated eggs – seemed to make some really horrible mistakes and she ended up in the Top 6.  On the other hand, given that the main joy of this show is the reassurance that I am not incompetent in the kitchen, it’s just as well.
  4. The waterworks have been better this year – although this week’s episode where each of the contestants’ special someones were there to eat – oh was there crying.  In particular Joshi – the 36 year old former kosher, was quite the tub of goo.
  5. The final episode looks interesting.  This season is a little less compelling – unless of course you are a middle aged woman who likes to feel Robert Irvine’s muscles.  Of course I probably scared off that demographic a while ago.
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Top Chef All Stars – Seven Up

Two weeks left us with two of the best challenges of the year.  Some notes:

  • Mike Isabella – the DC entrant – is a douchebag.  His comments about Antonia, who managed to win the Italian challenge were obviously sexist – although there was some false bravado in there.  Seeing his squirm in the elimination was legitimately great television.  His take that being eye-talian that he was a perceived favorite was sensible – but then does that mean he would have been challenged by The Situation?
  • By the way, how horrible was it to see chefs of this caliber completely bollocks a PASTA COURSE.  All three chefs made bad pasta/rice.  Yeah fresh pasta is tougher than dry – wah wah wah.  But this was appalling.
  • On the other hand – the antipasti courses were awesome.  All the dishes showed simplicity.
  • Usually, I want to hurt Jimmy Fallon – but to their credit, the show did not ham it up too badly.  The challenge really was interesting.  Carla’s hysterical performance from start to finish was loveable.  Her third win of the season – she still needs to be comfortable to succeed, but when she is – look out.
  • Big bounceback for Angelo – he is still my #2 favorite, but he is so high maintenance that he needs some momentum.  One gets the sense Richard, by contrast, is just breezing along.
  • The elimination for Jimmy Fallon’s event was interesting – a classic case of service people forgetting their jobs – a mistake consultants, engineers, artisans make so frequently.  The chefs (Tiffany and Fabio in particular) were so intent on creating a culinary wet dream that they forgot to actually deliver the product.  You can take liberties with hamburgers and chicken n dumplings – but the dishes have personalities that can’t be toyed with too much.  I’ll miss Fabio – but at the same time he probably got as far as he really was meant to .  He is a restauranteur more than a chef’s chef – but nothing wrong with that.