Every #1 Song of the 1980s – Series 11, Fin

Click for links to: Series 10, Series 9,  Series 8,  Series 7,  Series 6,  Series 5Series 4,  Series 3, Series 2, and Series 1 and a quick study of #2 songs

IF nothing else, the promise was to get to the end of this project before the end of the year. For those who know me, that I procrastinated is more or less to be expected – and still failed anyway.  So, we get to November.

“Lady” by Kenny Rogers (1980) – This was one of those country crossover songs which were so popular at the turn of the decade. Kenny Rogers certainly had his successes as a crossover artist, and this was his biggest hit. At least as noteworthy was this song being written by Lionel Richie – one of the real catalysts for him going solo for real. (27 points)

“Private Eyes” by Hall and Oates (1981) – This was sort of the perfect nexus of Hall and Oates markers in the 1980s. You have a super catchy RnB influenced hook – it is a song I cannot get out of my head. Then, you have a genuinely silly video – which also reflected the low tech production of the early video era. I like the actual private eye hats. (36 points)

“Up Where We Belong” by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes (1982) – Jennifer Warnes appears twice in this survey – interestingly for duets from among the most famous movie songs of its time. This is certainly one of the most famous scenes in 80s movies – the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, which of course The Simpsons delightfully parodied. This is the usual soppy love song I tend to deride, but Joe Cocker’s “frustratingly constipated” raspy vocals give it a little nudge. (32 points)

“Truly” by Lionel Richie (1982) – Coming towards the end of 1982, this was Lionel Richie’s first solo #1. He, of course, had a monster hit in 1981 with “Endless Love” with Diana Ross, but this was another one of the ballads which he started machine pressing as early as “Easy” and “Three Times a Lady” from his Commodores days. Of them, “Easy” is pretty good. This is not “Easy”. (27 points)

“All Night Long” by Lionel Richie (1983) – Is THIS the signature Lionel Richie song? I think so. It still appears in beer commercials – or whatever Lime-a-Rita is. It is almost quaint now – an American borrowing Latin sounds. Like “La Isla Bonita” from Madonna, it seems to cross streams rather blatantly between cultures and languages which aren’t actually similar. But it does make me feel like dancing – especially poorly while my children get embarassed at the dinner table – and the video is kind of hilarious, where Richie is standing in the middle of a lot of actual dancing. It looks like it was done against his will – which is always funny. (34 points)

“Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run)” by Billy Ocean (1984) – I like this song. I like everything about it – Ocean’s vocals, the smooth yacht-rocky beat, the cheesy saxophone solo. (really the best marker of 80s pop) The video is silly too – it often looks like Seinfeld stole a lot of his show’s wardobe ideas from what Ocean has sporting here. (37 points)

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham! (1984) – The shirts glow in the dark! The shorts are – well, you see them. The song is just a cheeky, bouncy dance song, Wham’s first big hit in the States. You really do have to be a complete grinch not to get into this. It is the type of cheesy kitsch that holds up on that level. (42 points)

“Part Time Lover” by Stevie Wonder (1985) – This was one of Stevie’s 3 trips to the top in the decade, and really none of them would exactly be in the first page of his pantheon. At this point he was transitioning into more of an Adult Contemporary/Easy Listening sort. Still, he delivered this – among several big 80s hits about cheating. I feel like I am giving him extra points for being Stevie and having made “Higher Ground” and “I Wish”. So sue me. (31 points)

“Miami Vice” by Jan Hammer (1985) – Along with “Chariots of Fire”, the only two instrumentals to reach the top in the decade – it is less a song than a fact. I said this about “Ghostbusters” too. It’s hard to evaluate – although ultimately this might be better. While Parker’s song is extremely memorable and obviously lyrically explains the Ghostbusters, Hammer’s theme just perfectly evokes everything about Miami Vice. It feels right, and even now it is hard to listen to without thinking about it. It is a great match to a show. Incidentally, around this time Glenn Frey’s “You Belong to the City” came from the show soundtrack – and it’s even better on these fronts. (36 points)

“We Built this City” by Starship (1985) – It has been hailed as the worst song of the 1980s. In a way, to deserve that honor, it almost certainly CAN’T be the worst song of the decade. It’s certainly the least comprehensible. It is tempting to talk about “White Rabbit” as the best evidence as to Grace Slick tripping out. I would submit this video instead. This song is just so profoundly ridiculous – and the video even more so (the male singer looks too much like Howie Mandel for me to ignore), that it deserves points for just being hard to forget. Believe me, I’ve tried. (26 points)

“Separate Lives” by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin (1985) – Now THIS is a bad song. It is mediocre without the advantage of being memorable. It is one of the two #1s from the White Knights soundtrack, a movie which I also do not remember. I think that is appropriate. (20 points)

“Amanda” by Boston (1986) – Like “Shakedown” was for Bob Seger, this is a rather surprising only #1 for Boston. However, I have to confess something. I have a hard time telling Boston songs apart. Given where I am from, this sounds like sacrilege – but frankly Boston’s output has been so sporadic (they were famous perfectionists) that I was never surrounded by it. But really they all sound like “More Than a Feeling” to me – and this is of that piece. (29 points)

“Human” by The Human League (1986) – The lesser of the Human League’s two #1s. More notably, it is a remarkably forgettable ballad, compared to “Don’t You Want Me” – which is not just a better song, but a more memorable one? At least that one sweated “new wave”. This song has no personality at all. (27 points)

“You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi (1986) – This has not quite had the same shelf life as “Living on a Prayer”. Frankly, it is probably a just verdict. This is a perfectly cromulent song, but clearly the least memorable of Bon Jovi’s four number ones. At the same time, it is a solid example of hair metal. (32 points)

“I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany (1987) – This was the song which put Tiffany on the map. Indeed, this was one of the really interesting quirks of the decade that Tiffany and Billy Idol would have Tommy James covers as #1 songs. Tiffany of course did the cover thing a lot, including a pretty terrible version “I Saw Her/Him Standing There”. This is certainly catchy at least – and arguably better than Tommy James version. It’s definitely a real touchstone of late 80s pop. (30 points)

“Mony Mony” by Billy Idol (1987) – This is a more famous Tommy James song, and the better song, by roughly the margin that Billy Idol is better than Tiffany. Like many other artists, Idol did not hit the top with his best song. Clearly “Rebel Yell” would have fit much better, or even “Eyes Without a Face” from the land of ballads, or “Cradle of Love” a couple of years later. My sharpest memory of this thing is just how much Idol sweats in the performance. It really is like Patrick Ewing in the 4th quarter. (34 points)

“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes (1987) – A good place to start is this United Healthcare commercial, which always makes me laugh. Of course Dirty Dancing was one of the most successful films of the decade, and its soundtrack was every bit as iconic – and of those songs, this is pretty clearly the one which has survived the best. Who doesn’t know it? Even if it is a little cheesy, it still works. I’ll also note that this another case of past-their-prime artists reaching the top, which is very hard to imagine happening in 2018. (40 points)

“Kokomo” by The Beach Boys (1988) – God help me. I have to confess, I liked this song when I was a kid. I don’t know why. Was it that guy from “Full House” playing in the background? Was it that the Beach Boys were one of the few bands not-quite-aware me had heard of? I don’t know. Looking at the Brian Wilson-era Beach Boys and the Mike Love led incarnation which worked in 1987, and the differences are vast. The complex vocal arrangements are missing here – this is largely pooka shells and Hawaiian shirts. It’s frankly lesser Buffett. (27 points)

“Wild, Wild, West” by The Escape Club (1988) – This is a very strange song with a memorably strange video. It comes up from time to time on the Sirius 80s station, and it is still a bit surprising that it became as big a hit as it did. I certainly don’t remember anything else Escape Club did. (32 points)

“Bad Medicine” (1988) by Bon Jovi (1988) – This is Bon Jovi in their remarkably well coiffed glory. Of their four #1 songs – this is probably the most forgotten, although for my money it’s the best. I even totally forgot that Sam Kinison featured so prominently in the video. Bon Jovi is both dated and timeless at the same time – and this song captures almost all the charms. “I’ve got a jones for your affection like a monkey on my back, there ain’t no paramedic gonna save this heartattack”. Take that Dylan! (37 points)

“Listen to Your Heart” by Roxette (1989) – Roxette is not going to make the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Wait – given the Hall’s standards, I cannot really say that, can I? After all, Roxette over a course of 2+ years had six songs reach #2 or higher, including four #1s. “The Look” and this song have had pretty good shelf lives, the latter in both this form and in covers. Marie Frederikksson’s voice and force she brought to the vocals had real power – something which I guess we observed with stuff like Amy Lee. This song is obviously quite the vocal showcase. (33 points)

“When I See You Smile” by Bad English (1989) – If “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” was the best Monster Ballad of the 1980s, this supergroup concoction is contending for the worst. I even sort of liked this song 29 years ago, but it has not aged well. Bad English of course was one of those “supergroups” like Asia, featuing John Waite (he of the vastly superior “Missing You” fame) and a guitarist from Journey. This was the collaboration’s biggest hit – with all the sort of markers we’re used to from this genre. Personally, the entire genre invites snorts of derision. This song just earns it. (26 points)

“Blame it on the Rain” by Milli Vanilli (1989) – I am pretty sure I’ve noted this in the past, but while Milli Vanilli deserves the ribbing for the scandal (where of course Fab and Rob did not sing those songs) – the music is not at all bad. It’s not great dance pop, but there is no earthly reason a song like “Blame it on the Rain” deserves to be excommunicated. These songs aren’t really any stupider or more objectionable than an average Ke$ha song or anything. Indeed, “Girl You Know It’s True” holds up better than you think. The kitschy charm and actual charm still work here. I feel bad for Rob taking his life of course – the hate for them clearly went too far. (33 points)

“Mickey” by Tony Basil (1982) – This is one of those songs I first knew as a Weird Al parody. He did is as “Rickey” while singing as Lucy Ricardo. This is – in its way – one of the most time-capsuley songs of the decade. Like “Wild Wild West” it is such an oddball that I am not sure how it even became such a big hit. It is hard to consider its song-ness. It is quite the artifact. (31 points)

“Out of Touch” by Hall and Oates (1984) – This was Hall and Oates’ final #1 song, and perhaps inescapably, the most 80’s synth heavy of their biggest hits. The video itself is funny, and involves more unintentionally funny gyrating than they normally did in their entries. Add that to the leopard and zebra prints, wow. As a song, it’s not actually that bad. It would not be my favorite of their big hits, but I have warmed to it, even if it did not have the half life of “Rich Girl” or “Maneater”. (33 points)

“Broken Wings” by Mr. Mister (1985) – I suppose I am giving extra points here for being sampled by 2pac in one of his more morose songs. Or maybe it is the slightly more haunting than it needed to be video. This was Mr. Mister’s first #1 (Kyrie was covered previously) and perhaps the better of the two. (35 points)

“The Next Time I Fall” by Peter Cetera and Amy Grant (1986) – For unintentional comedy, “Glory of Love” is much much funnier. But here we still get Peter Cetera’s strange blank expression. He really is elevator muzak in human form. All things considered, this is not a terrible crappy ballad. Coincidentally, this was Amy Grant’s first big secular music hit – whether that is a good or bad thing, I’m not exactly sure, although her own solo material was pleasantly innocuous. (28 points)

“The Way It Is” by Bruce Hornsby and the Range (1986) – This is a hard song to grade as far as this goes. It is frankly, musically, among the very best #1 songs of the decade. But it also a crazy anomaly. Hornsby had this career as a sessions musician, and then after The Range went on to join the Grateful Dead. He is frankly wildly overqualified for a list like this. But there he is, with one of the best known piano riffs of all time. Like Mr. Mister above, he was sampled on a 2pac song – so there is that. This song’s non-80’s ness works against it in some ways. I don’t crave this song on my IPhone or anything – but for sheer quality, it is hard to argue. (38 points)

“Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle (1987) – Belinda Carlisle had some career. She was in the Germs, one of the reknowned LA punk bands of the late 70s – moved on to the GoGo’s whose career everybody who has bothered to read this series clearly knows, and later on starred in one of the funniest (and least true) drug PSAs ever made. This was her biggest solo hit, and considering her previous incarnations a total departure from that sort of sound. But the song really still works for me, even if the video is a bit unfortunate. (37 points)

“Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley” by Will to Power (1988) – Oooh I hate medleys. This is even truer now that it seems almost every performance at the Grammy’s is a medley! I know, let’s play six broken songs. Do people write like that, with fragments of sentences fused together? I mean, I guess there are those serial killers who formed messages with letters from magazine clippings, but no matter. Anyway, here is a medley of two famous 1970s songs – and Will to Power manage to do both terribly. So there is a triple word score here. On the bright side, there is an “All Songs Considered” episode on NPR where you can hear my voice yelling “Freebird!” in the background. I really should give this more points for the sheer awesomeness of the male singer. (22 points)

“Look Away” by Chicago (1988) – This, due to Billboard’s November to November award period, was the #1 song of 1989. Really, there is not much to say here. Chicago by this time was fully assimilated into the Adult Contemporary borg. This inevitably collided with Diane Warren, songwriter of the stars, who penned so many other swelling ballads. This takes no backseat to any of her other ones, and this song proved that Chicago could still crank out the mild even with Peter Cetera gone. (31 points)

“We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel (1989) – The penultimate #1 song of the decade, this is a very strange #1 song – and I have a hard time picturing Billy Joel feeling the need to play this when he tours now. I remember as a kid being impressed by the various events of 50 years being squeezed into one song. Someone joked online this was one of the laziest written songs of all time – a claim which is fairly hard to dispute given it is a recitation of a grocery list basically. Unlike some of the really bad songs on this list, I just forget this actually happened (30 points)

“Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins (1989) – The final #1 of the decade, and of Phil Collins’ career. Really, this song was of noble intent – talking about homelessness and so forth. It is not particularly lilting. It is a well put together song about a serious issue, and lacks some of the cheesier elements of Collins’ other big hits. Really for me, his canon does not get better than “Easy Lover”, but I have to give this a nod of respect. (33 points)

Oh good! This was only 6 months late. But I did get it done. What is the final tally? Let’s find out!

Song Artist
1 Sweet Child O’Mine Guns N’ Roses
2 West End Girls Pet Shop Boys
3 Kiss Prince
4 Take On Me a-ha
5 Jessie’s Girl Rick Springfield
6 With or Without You U2
7 When Doves Cry Prince
8 Beat It Michael Jackson
9 Billie Jean Michael Jackson
10 Rock With You Michael Jackson
11 I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For U2
12 Batdance Prince
13 Father Figure George Michael
14 Roll With It Steve Winwood
15 Jump Van Halen
16 Livin on a Prayer Bon Jovi
17 Down Under Men At Work
18 Saving All My Love For You Whitney Houston
19 Every Breath You Take The Police
20 Eye of the Tiger Survivor
21 Faith George Michael
22 How Will I Know Whitney Houston
23 Let’s Go Crazy Prince and the Revolution
24 Like a Virgin Madonna
25 The Tide Is High Blondie
26 Centerfold J Geils Band
27 (I Just) Died in Your Arms Cutting Crew
28 La Bamba Los Lobos
29 Don’t You (Forget About Me) Simple Minds
30 Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel
31 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Wham
32 We Are the World USA For Africa
33 Like A Prayer Madonna
34 Money for Nothing Dire Straits
35 True Colors Cyndi Lauper
36 Greatest Love of All Whitney Houston
37 Monkey George Michael
38 Everybody Wants to Rule The World Tears For Fears
39 Rapture Blondie
40 Man in the Mirror Michael Jackson
41 Miss You Much Janet Jackson
42 (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
43 What’s Love Got to Do With It Tina Turner
44 When I Think of You Janet Jackson
45 The Power of Love Huey Lewis and the News
46 Careless Whisper Wham featuring George Michael
47 Footloose Kenny Loggins
48 Walk Like an Egyptian Bangles
49 Karma Chameleon Culture Club
50 I Love Rock and Roll Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
51 Celebration Kool and the Gang
52 So Emotional Whitney Houston
53 Venus Bananarama
54 The Way It Is Bruce Hornsby and the Range
55 Don’t You Want Me The Human League
56 Two Hearts Phil Collins
57 Need You Tonight INXS
58 Red Red Wine UB40
59 Call Me Blondie
60 Who Can It Be Now Men At Work
61 A View to a Kill Duran Duran
62 I Just Called to Say I Love You Stevie Wonder
63 Let’s Dance David Bowie
64 Never Gonna Give You Up Rick Astley
65 Dirty Diana Michael Jackson
66 Heaven Is a Place on Earth Belinda Carlisle
67 Together Forever Rick Astley
68 Time After Time Cyndi Lauper
69 Every Rose Has Its Thorn Poison
70 Bad Michael Jackson
71 Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run) Billy Ocean
72 Papa Don’t Preach Madonna
73 My Prerogative Bobby Brown
74 Got My Mind Set on You George Harrison
75 Bad Medicine Bon Jovi
76 Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car Billy Ocean
77 Addicted to Love Robert Palmer
78 Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) Eurythmics
79 Upside Down Diana Ross
80 Shout Tears For Fears
81 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) Whitney Houston
82 Owner of a Lonely Heart Yes
83 Forever Your Girl Paula Abdul
84 Maneater Darryl Hall and John Oates
85 Here I Go Again Whitesnake
86 Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2 Pink Floyd
87 Rock Me Amadeus Falco
88 Private Eyes Hall and Oates
89 I Just Can’t Stop Loving You Michael Jackson and Siedah Garrett
90 Chariots of Fire Vangelis
91 Saint Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion) John Parr
92 Open Your Heart Madonna
93 Miami Vice Theme Jan Hammer
94 One More Try George Michael
95 Wishing Well Terrence Trent D’Arby
96 Another One Bites the Dust Queen
97 The Flame Cheap Trick
98 The Way You Make Me Feel Michael Jackson
99 Jack and Diane John Cougar
100 Say, Say, Say Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
101 9 to 5 Dolly Parton
102 Broken Wings Mr. Mister
103 Straight Up Paula Abdul
104 Missing You John Waite
105 The Look Roxette
106 Head to Toe Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
107 Invisible Touch Genesis
108 Higher Love Steve Winwood
109 Mony Mony Billy Idol
110 Stuck With You Huey Lewis and the News
111 Islands in the Stream Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton
112 The Reflex Duran Duran
113 Who’s That Girl Madonna
114 I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) Aretha Franklin and George Michael
115 A Groovy Kind of Love Phil Collins
116 Baby Don’t Forget My Number Milli Vanilli
117 Ghostbusters Ray Parker Jr
118 Flashdance … What a Feeling Irene Cara
119 All Night Long (All Night) Lionel Richie
120 Listen to Your Heart Roxette
121 Another Day in Paradise Phil Collins
122 Lost In Emotion Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
123 Shakedown Bob Seger
124 Blame It on the Rain Milli Vanilli
125 Good Thing Fine Young Cannibals
126 That’s What Friends Are For Dionne Warwick
127 Physical Olivia Newton John
128 I Can’t Go For That Hall and Oates
129 Sussudio Phil Collins
130 I’ll Be There For You Bon Jovi
131 Out of Touch Hall and Oates
132 Crazy Little Thing Called Love Queen
133 Everything She Wants Wham
134 Africa Toto
135 Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do) Christopher Cross
136 Maniac Michael Sembello
137 Don’t Worry Be Happy Bobby McFerrin
138 Up Where We Belong Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes
139 Right Here Waiting Richard Marx
140 Holding Back the Years Simply Red
141 You Give Love a Bad Name Bon Jovi
142 Satisfied Richard Marx
143 Alone Heart
144 Cold Hearted Paula Abdul
145 Wild, Wild West The Escape Club
146 Coming Up Paul McCartney
147 Part-Time Lover Stevie Wonder
148 Come on Eileen Dexy’s Midnight Runners
149 These Dreams Heart
150 Anything For You Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
151 Heaven Bryan Adams
152 Look Away Chicago
153 Tell Her About It Billy Joel
154 Mickey Toni Basil
155 Oh Sheila Ready for the World
156 Ebony and Ivory Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
157 I Think We’re Alone Now Tiffany
158 The Living Years Mike and the Mechanics
159 At This Moment Billy Vera and the Beaters
160 Bette Davis Eyes Kim Carnes
161 If You Don’t Know Me By Now Simply Red
162 Didn’t We Almost Have It All Whitney Houston
163 Foolish Beat Debbie Gibson
164 She Drives Me Crazy Fine Young Cannibals
165 Eternal Flame The Bangles
166 Kyrie Mr. Mister
167 Hold On to the Nights Richard Marx
168 Don’t Wanna Lose You Gloria Estefan
169 We Didn’t Start the Fire Billy Joel
170 Shake You Down Gregory Abbott
171 You Keep Me Hangin On Kim Wilde
172 Kiss Is On My List Hall and Oates
173 Funkytown Lipps, Inc
174 Let’s Hear It for the Boy DeNiece Williams
175 Amanda Boston
176 Everytime You Go Away Paul Young
177 Girl I’m Gonna Miss You Milli Vanilli
178 Love Bites Def Leppard
179 The Next Time I Fall Peter Cetera and Amy Grant
180 Keep on Loving You REO Speedwagon
181 Magic Olivia Newton John
182 There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry) Billy Ocean
183 Hello Lionel Richie
184 Human The Human League
185 Lady Kenny Rogers
186 Total Eclipse of the Heart Bonnie Tyler
187 Take My Breath Away Berlin
188 It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me Billy Joel
189 Kokomo The Beach Boys
190 Glory of Love Peter Cetera
191 Truly Lionel Richie
192 I Love a Rainy Night Eddie Rabbitt
193 Abracadabra Steve Miller Band
194 Live to Tell Madonna
195 I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) New Kids on the Block
196 Lost in Your Eyes Debbie Gibson
197 Say You, Say Me Lionel Richie
198 We Built This City Starship
199 Always Atlantic Starr
200 When I See You Smile Bad English
201 Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now Starship
202 (Just Like) Starting Over John Lennon
203 On My Own Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald
204 Hard to Say I’m Sorry Chicago
205 Hangin Tough New Kids on the Block
206 Crazy for You Madonna
207 Seasons Change Expose
208 Can’t Fight This Feeling REO Speedwagon
209 One More Night Phil Collins
210 I Want to Know What Love Is Foreigner
211 Stars on 45 Medley Stars on 45
212 Escape (The Pina Colada Song) Rupert Holmes
213 Wind Beneath My Wings Bette Midler
214 Sara Starship
215 Endless Love Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
216 Lean on Me Club Nouveau
217 Sailing Christopher Cross
218 Baby, Come to Me Patti Austin and James Ingram
219 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now) Phil Collins
220 Where Do Broken Hearts Go Whitney Houston
221 Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley Will to Power
222 Could’ve Been Tiffany
223 Do That To Me One More Time Captain and Tennille
224 Jacob’s Ladder Huey Lewis and the News
225 Morning Train (Nine to Five) Sheena Easton
226 When I’m With You Sheriff
227 The One That You Love Air Supply
228 Toy Soldiers Martika
229 Rock On Michael Damian
230 Separate Lives Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin
231 Woman in Love Barbra Streisand
232 Please Don’t Go KC and the Sunshine Band

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